By: Larry Hurtubise
Educational Technology Consultant, Center for Education and Scholarship, College of Medicine
Member, Professionalism Education Working Group
As part of his semi-annual address to the faculty this spring, President E. Gordon Gee provided a vision for academia in his statement, “We have to assume a central role in reestablishing civil national discourse…. to create here the epicenter of the nation’s new intellectual infrastructure, one that is committed to civility and to service for the greater good.”
Based on their book, The Four-Conversations: Daily Communication that Gets Results, Jeffrey and Laurie Ford would call Dr. Gee’s address an “Initiative Conversation”. Initiative conversations are designed to create a future.
The four conversations proposed by the Fords are:
- Initiative Conversations: Create a Future
- Understanding Conversations: Include and Engage
- Performance Conversations: Ask and Promise
- Closure Conversations: Create Endings
After an Initiative conversation, people start “Understanding Conversations” to help find a positive meaning in the message.
So let’s start. Consider that the infrastructure of civil national discourse is built on common courtesy. Saying “Please” and “Thank you” are the basics. When you are having a “Performance, Ask and Promise Conversation,” adding a “please” helps to (whatever you want to say about it). “Closure Conversations” are a natural place for lots of “thank you’s”.
Making “please” and “thank you” a habit just might produce better results. What if, from now on when you are frustrated and starting a conversation you hope will get action, you begin with a “thank you” acknowledging the contributions the other makes toward the mission.. What would happen if, from now on when asking anyone — and I mean anyone — a waiter, a co-worker, your child — for the smallest thing, you start with “please”?
Thank you.
What are the common courtesies that mean the most to you?
Larry – I think following your recommendations for “please” and “thank you” could make a big difference. Many people feel taken-for-granted, under-appreciated, and under-recognized at work. Your simple recommendations are a way to counteract these feelings.
I agree Jeff. I consider a sincere “please” and “thank you” as baseline building blocks for productive conversations–but also look for other opportunities to add value. I often reflect on Thomas Leonard’s concept of “over responding to every event.” Over responding (not over reacting) suggests that we look for ways to add value, beyond what we would be “required” to do in our conversations, projects, and everyday activities. Another simple concept, but my experience has been that when I take time to “over deliver” on projects, conversations with colleagues, or in everyday situations, that I not only have a better experience, but I also get better outcomes.
A principal I’ve learned only recently from an esteemed colleague I believe should occupy a primary, if not a pivotal place, at the foundation for civility. Starting off on the right foot with those with whom we interact can certainly affect the outcome, as has been pointed out. A good starting place for me, I’ve discovered after experiencing many a bad start, is to “assume positive intention” on the part of the other. The times when I have gone into a meeting with a negative preconception about the other’s intention, I have more often than not been 100 percent wrong. Not only have I been wrong, but my negative preconception about something that has not even occurred has resulted in a flurry of negative responses, not the least of which is to put the other on the defensive. Changing my mindset, or should I say leaving my mind open to the intention of others, has produced much better results and, consequently, more satisfying interactions for everyone. Thank you!